So, I am not a writer, a blogger or an internet savvy person. I don't
know the latest coolest app to have on my phone, heck I don't even have
an iphone (GASP). I have a huge 1st world problem, and I am hopping
that this blog will help me discover and find what I am looking for, or
maybe even develop into it. As Cliche as it sounds I am trying to find
my "passion". Trying to find my "passion" along with a man, a better
job, more money, and hopefully a family which consists of 1 or more
children all before the age of 35, and I am about to be 33 in two
months....
I called my good friend Yari on my way home
from work complaining to her how I don't have a passion. I dumped all my
problems on her on my 15 minute car ride from the office to my home. I
told her how my trainer at work was talking football talk to me (Texans
love their football) and I stared at him blankly. He was surprised to
find out that I did not watch football and asks me, "well what s your
passion then?" I felt like he put me on the spot that brief second, and
responded with "well I like tennis?" weakly. The truth is I am NOT
passionate about tennis, I took it up as an activity to do, a hobby so
to speak because I needed one and I find it fun, but I am not
"passionate" about it.That comment ran thru my head the entire day, and
really was making me more depressed then I had already been. I told
Yari, how I am alone in this world and longed for a life partner, and
since I don't have one of those I know I need to find a "passion"
something to make me happy besides another person. She tells me I have
my daughter. I proceed to tell her my child is NOT a passion, nor do I
ever want my happiness to rest on just my child. I don't want my
daughter to ever feel as if she cannot live her life because mom needs
her in order to be happy. I want a real passion I tell her like
camping, or stamp collecting, how all my interests are luke warm and
though I like things I am not "passionate" about them, and what is wrong
with me, why can't I find something to make me happy, so happy that I
can stop looking for love on tinder. I ask her why is looking for
happiness, or my passion, why is it seeming like work, isn't this
something that should be fun? Then why am I stressing about it? At the
end of my rambling to her we jokingly said to do a blog. Oh the stories
we have, and the stories that are going to come, her and I both have
enough content to write a book. So, Why not? Here we are, blogging and
we don't know what the hell we are doing!
